


This Is What Happens...

by lily_winterwood



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender, The Big Lebowski (1998)
Genre: But starring Sokka as Walter and Katara and Aang as the Dude, Chinese Puns, Comedy, For a Friend, Gen, No Cabbages Were Harmed in the Making of this Fic, Rated T for F bombs, That Car Scene from The Big Lebowski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28479966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_winterwood/pseuds/lily_winterwood
Summary: ... when you fry someone else's horse.The Gaang follow a lead on some stolen money to an unexpected suspect.(It's literally just the car scene from the Big Lebowski but starring the Gaang instead lol)
Relationships: Aang & The Gaang (Avatar)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	This Is What Happens...

“And you’re sure he’s the one whose assignment we found in Appa’s saddle?” asks Aang as they approach the dockside building.

“It said his name on the scroll, didn’t it?” demands Sokka. He then turns and sees a shiny new cart laden with cabbages parked outside the building. “Aw, look, he’s already spent the money!” 

“A brand new cabbage cart?” wonders Katara drily. “He couldn’t have possibly spent all ten thousand taels on that. He probably has nine thousand eight hundred taels left at least.” 

“Yeah, and we’re going to get it back,” says Sokka.

Katara raises an eyebrow. “Your plan’s not going to work.”

“Shut the fuck up, Katara.” Sokka knocks at the door, and it’s opened by a sweet-looking old lady. “Ah, popo, good evening.”

“Good evening Sokka of the Water Tribe, Katara of the Water Tribe, Avatar Aang,” says the old lady as she lets them in. “My grandson will be with you shortly.” 

“You told this old lady who we were?” hisses Katara as the three of them take a seat in the front parlour of the house. The old lady is now blithely pouring them tea, humming a ditty to herself as she moves. “What’s the point of shaking the guy down if you told his grandma we were coming?”

“You try lying to a grandma while you’re staking out her house,” retorts Sokka, but smiles at the old lady as she sets a tray of tea down in front of them. “Thank you so much for the tea, popo. Could you please call your grandson in for us?”

“Bai Cai!” shouts the old lady. “The man is here!”

Sokka laughs. “I couldn’t help but notice, popo, that the young master of the house is related to the founder of the Cabbage Cookie Bakery in Yu Dao. How is his old man?”

“Cabbage Cookie Bakery?” wonders the old lady with a laugh. “Couldn’t be him. My son’s an inventor of newfangled machines. I wouldn’t even know where to begin with the strange devices he comes up with.” There’s the sound of footsteps down the stairs. “Bai Cai!” the old lady shouts again. “The policeman is in here! He’s with the Avatar!”

“Ah-ah, I definitely didn’t want to give the impression that we were the police, or that Aang is here on official business,” corrects Sokka, but the old lady is already moving back to the kitchen. A teenage boy slinks in sullenly, dressed in green from head to toe. “We’re actually hoping we won’t have to escalate it that far. But that’s up to this young master here.” 

The teenager takes a seat on the couch opposite them. Sokka smiles. “So! You’re Bai Cai II.”

The boy merely stares back at him, unfazed. 

“Do we call you Xiao Bai Cai? Is your old man Da Bai Cai?”

Even Aang has to roll his eyes at that. “Get to the point, Sokka,” he reminds him.

Sokka opens up his sack and takes out the scroll, unrolling it to reveal a heavily-corrected essay. “Is this your homework, Bai Cai?”

The boy stares back. 

“Wish we had Toph here,” Aang mutters to Katara. 

“Well, we couldn’t help it that she had some ‘mandatory family stuff’ to deal with at the exact same time,” replies Katara.

“Would you two not? It’s ruining my vibe,” complains Sokka. He turns back to the boy, and waves the scroll again. “Is this your homework, young master?” 

“Just ask him about Appa,” says Aang.

“Is this yours?” repeats Sokka. “Is this your homework, Bai Cai?”

“Is that your cart out front?” interjects Aang.

“Is this your homework, Bai Cai?”

“We know it’s his homework!” snaps Aang. “We just need to know where the silver is!” He turns to the teenager. “So what’d you do with the silver, kid?”

Sokka shushes him again. “Look, Bai Cai, have you ever heard about the Day of the Black Sun?”

“Oh, for Guanyin’s sake, Sokka —”

“You’re about to enter a world of pain, kid. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole Appa —”

“And the taels of silver,” cuts in Aang.

“And the fucking silver! And we know this is your homework!”

“Your father would be disappointed, Bai Cai,” snaps Aang.

“We’re gonna take away your bending, Bai Cai!” 

Aang blinks at that. “What? I never said —”

“This is pointless,” says Katara, gesturing to the teenager’s poker face. “You two idiots are getting nowhere.”

“Time for Plan B, then,” says Sokka, putting the scroll away and getting to his feet. “You might want to watch out the front window, Bai Cai.”

“What are you —” begins Katara, but Sokka is already taking out his sword and heading for the door. “Sokka! Are you on cactus juice again?”

“This is what happens when you _fry someone else’s horse!_ ” retorts Sokka, glaring at the teenager before heading out to the cart. Aang and Katara watch the teenager head to the window, before pelting out after Sokka. 

“What’s gotten into your brother?” demands Aang, as Sokka points the sword threateningly at the brand-new cabbage cart. 

“The little bastard’s stonewalling me!” snaps Sokka, waving the sword at the window. “Here you go, Bai Cai! You see what happens? You see what happens, Bai Cai?”

He starts whacking at the cart with the sword, sending cabbages flying everywhere. 

“This is what happens when you fry someone else’s horse, Bai Cai! You see now? You see what happens?” 

“Oh heavens,” groans Aang, rubbing at his temples. Other people on the street are lighting their windows now, coming out to see the commotion. “Katara, can you stop him?”

“I don’t know if I can get a good angle,” says Katara. “It’d just cause more damage to the cart.”

“This is what happens, Bai Cai! This is what happens! This is what happens when you fry someone else’s horse!” 

“My cabbages!” someone else’s voice screams, and moments later the cabbage merchant comes pelting out of the house next door, seizing Sokka’s sword from him. “I just bought this cart last week!”

Sokka gapes at the cabbage merchant, while Aang quickly readies his staff and Katara her water whip. 

“I’ve had it up to here with the Avatar and his friends destroying my cabbages! See how you like it!” screams the cabbage merchant, running towards Appa with his sword raised. 

Katara lashes out with the water whip and trips him. The sword goes flying, landing on the ground right next to Appa’s left foot. Sokka grabs it. 

“Come on, come on, let’s get out of here,” says Katara, as the three of them scramble aboard Appa and start to take off. 

“Can we go visit Iroh’s tea shop still?” wonders Aang.

“Shut the fuck up and fly,” retorts Katara. 

**Author's Note:**

> Uh. I have no words or justification for this except that my friend requested it back in June and I thought it was funny enough to share now so we can all start our year right. 
> 
> References:  
> -popo (婆婆, pópo) technically means mother-in-law but can sometimes be used to refer to old women (老太婆, lǎotàipó)  
> -xiao bai cai and da bai cai: xiao bai cai (小白菜, xiǎobáicài) is one of the various names for bok choy. da bai cai (大白菜, dàbáicài) is one of the various names for napa cabbage. xiao and da also mean "small" and "big", respectively, so in the context of bai cai being a name, it would be "bai cai junior" and "bai cai senior".  
> -Guanyin: Goddess/bodhisattva of mercy. Very popular in East Asia.  
> -fry someone else's horse. OH BOY okay so. in mandarin that would be 炒别人家的马 (chǎo biérén jiā de mǎ). however, if you fudge the pronunciation of the first word, and use different tones for that and the last word, you get "fuck someone else's mom": 操别人家的妈 (cāo biérén jiā de mā). i came up with this because in the original film, when Walter goes off his rocker he screams "this is what you get when you fuck a stranger in the ass", but when the film got censored so it could be shown on TV it turned, weirdly, into "this is what you get when you find a stranger in the alps". Does Not Make Sense at all, so I wanted to do a similar level of insanity. 
> 
> Hope this was funny!! Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/lilywinterwood)


End file.
